


that's how i wanna be

by punk_rock_yuppie



Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series)
Genre: Awkwardness, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Gen if you squint maybe, M/M, Podfic Welcome, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 13:20:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15819696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punk_rock_yuppie/pseuds/punk_rock_yuppie
Summary: Eugene stares at him, then rolls his eyes. “Please, I’m nottotallyheartless. I know when a friend is upset.”





	that's how i wanna be

**Author's Note:**

> i've been sucked into zagene; i was watching all the "who knows who best" vids they have and it struck me how often zach looks out of place, or looks like he feels out of place--thus, this happened! first time writing these guys, hope it goes well.
> 
> big thanks to hannah for beta'ing, as always!!
> 
> enjoy!

Sometimes it strikes him when they’re all laughing together, and his own chuckles sound a little off-key. Sometimes it’s as he watches the other three talk amongst themselves, not intending to leave him on the sidelines but it happening nonetheless. Sometimes it’s as he stands behind the camera for a video and they’re all on the other side; as rare as it is these days, it still happens, and it stills strikes a pang in his chest.

It’s not like they make him feel like an outsider; it’s just kind of who he is as a person.

Zach swallows a hefty mouthful of his cocktail and nearly chokes when a hand slams against his back. It’s supposed to be a friendly gesture, he knows, but he still squawks with inelegant surprise all the same. He turns just as Eugene comes around, sits in front of him, smiles _that_ smile at him. The warm one, with soft eyes, the one that Zach kind of lives to see.

“Hey,” Eugene says.

“Hey.” Zach’s throat feels a little raw from the burn of alcohol. “Surprised you haven’t found a date yet.” He kicks at Eugene’s shin teasingly.

Eugene only shrugs. When Zach swings his foot out for another kick, Eugene counters him by hooking their ankles together. “You looked like you needed me more,” Eugene says as his ankle presses, warm and bony, against Zach’s.

“Uh, what?” Zach laughs awkwardly and looks away.

Eugene looks just as awkward, but he powers through in a way Zach just can’t manage right now. “You looked like you needed me more,” he repeats. “You were way too much in your own head.” He reaches out and taps harshly at Zach’s forehead. “No one should look _that_ contemplative with a Manhattan in their hand.”

Zach looks at his drinks and downs it, ignoring the burn. “There. Now can I look as contemplative as I want? In peace?”

Eugene’s expression falters for a second but he quickly regains his footing. “What’s up?” He asks before turning to the bartender and drawing the man near with his natural charm. He nods at Zach’s empty glass with a murmur of, “another, please, with a whiskey, neat.” The bartender nods and Zach can relate to the starry-eyed look sent Eugene’s way.

“Nothing’s up.”

Eugene’s lips purse. He’s clearly unimpressed.

Zach rolls his eyes and looks away again. “It’s nothing. It’s dumb.”

Their drinks arrive and Eugene pays and shoves the change into the tip jar. Zach immediately takes a sip of his own whereas Eugene swirls the whiskey around in his glass like some kind of Bond villain.

“It wouldn’t be the same without you, you know.”

Zach pauses in his frantic slurping. He looks at Eugene from under his eyelashes, not quite committing to eye contact but not rejecting it either. It doesn’t matter, since Eugene isn’t looking at him anymore, anyway. Eugene is looking at the dancefloor and looking more uncomfortable by the second.

“It wouldn’t,” Eugene says again. “We couldn’t do this without you.”

Zach bites the inside of his cheek. He doesn’t want to say anything for fear of shattering this bizarrely intimate moment. It’s unlike anything else he’s ever experienced with Eugene, which is saying quite a lot given how long they’ve been friends.

Eugene’s gaze eventually slides back to him. He looks shifty, and Zach can tell this moment is drawing to a close. “Zach, I—?”

“Thank you,” Zach says, because the uncertain twist of Eugene’s lips is nearly painful to look at. Uncertainty is not a good look on Eugene, and Zach definitely doesn’t want to be the cause. “I don’t know how you knew but thank you.”

Eugene stares at him, then rolls his eyes. “Please, I’m not _totally_ heartless. I know when a friend is upset.”

“Yeah, but you knew…” Zach waves his hand around. “You knew why, too.” He looks down at his lap sheepishly. “You just knew.”

“You’re an open book,” Eugene says, but there’s an awkward edge to it again. “That’s all.”

Zach doesn’t argue. He doesn’t say anything that comes to mind, because he’s neither brave enough or flirty enough to even try. He thinks about them, though. He thinks of saying something about how if he’s an open book, he’s one Eugene has clearly read many times. Or something like that. Something to point out—like the Try Guys game time video did—that Eugene knows him so much better than it seems.

“Thank you,” is what Zach says instead.

Eugene nods. “C’mon, finish that. Let’s dance.” Eugene knocks back his whiskey and slams his glass onto the sticky wooden countertop.

Zach hurries to follow but the sweetness of his drink and his natural gag reflex hold him back. When he pauses to breathe, he half-expects Eugene to be gone, impatience overtaking kindness.

He’s wrong. Eugene is watching him with a startlingly fond gaze. He gestures to Zach’s drink. “C’mon.”

Zach nods and tilts his head back to finish off the drink. He’s barely set the glass on the counter beside Eugene’s before fingers curl around his wrist and start to tug. He lets Eugene drag him to the dancefloor.

Eugene doesn’t look away from Zach once, even when it’s awkward, with the heavy club song blaring in the background. They don’t dance close enough to touch but an unspoken rule falls over them—neither of them will stray. Neither of them will look for someone else, not tonight. It feels almost too good to be true, particularly with Eugene’s penchant for wandering off, but Zach just knows that won’t happen tonight.

When Ned and Keith finally reappear and say they’re heading out, Eugene grabs Zach’s wrist again and they follow their friends to the door. The crisp night air hits Zach like a freight train, even though he’s not especially drunk. Even as they spill onto the sidewalk, Eugene doesn’t let go of him.

Zach watches Ned call Ariel, and Keith call Becky. He looks over to see Eugene entranced with his phone too. As if he feels the eyes on him, Eugene looks up.

“Ride home with me?” Eugene asks, waving his phone. Zach catches sight of the Uber logo on the screen. He nods. Eugene nods back and returns to tapping at the screen.

“I’m gonna drive the big guy home,” Ned says. “You guys need a ride?”

Zach shakes his head and pointedly ignores how Ned’s eyes travel to where Eugene is _still_ holding Zach by the wrist. “We’re gonna uber,” Zach tells him.

Ned hums. “Alright. Text me when you’re home.”

Zach nods, and then Ned is herding Keith away.

“Should be here in a few,” Eugene says once they’re alone.

Zach smiles and nods at him. “Cool.”

He almost protests when he feels Eugene’s grip on his wrist start to loosen. But that would make things weird, and Zach doesn’t want to make things weird. Or at least, no weirder than they already are. And begging Eugene to keep touching him would probably cross that line.

He’s so caught up in his thoughts he almost doesn’t notice when warm, long fingers entwine with his own. He looks down, entirely surprised, at his and Eugene’s hands. When Zach looks up, Eugene is intently watching the road for their ride.

Zach shuffles a little closer so their shoulders bump. “Thanks,” he says again.

Eugene just barely smiles. It warms Zach down to his toes.

“No problem,” Eugene tells him.

Zach squeezes his hand once, and Eugene squeezes back.

He’ll probably still have those times of feeling like an outsider even in his closest circle of friends. Everyone has those times, he thinks. But the aching worry that had been growing inside him is quiet for now.

Zach doesn’t thank him again, but he’s sure Eugene hears it anyway.


End file.
